I use two different approaches when working with couples, depending on the state of the relationship and each partner's interest/commitment toward improvement. Relational Life Therapy is meant to help improve relationships when each partner is committed to improvement and increased relational intimacy. Discernment Counseling is for couples that are on the brink of separation or divorce. See below for more detailed information about each approach.
Relational Life Therapy is a dynamic and results-oriented form of couples therapy designed to address the core issues that often lead to conflict and disconnection in relationships. Terry Real, a prominent family therapist and author, developed this approach to help couples break free from destructive patterns and create healthier, more authentic connections.
Key Principles of Relational Life Therapy:
Discernment Counseling for couples is a transformative approach designed to assist couples at a crossroads in their relationship journey. Whether you are contemplating divorce, unsure about the future, or seeking clarity in a turbulent relationship, through the Discernment Counseling framework, I can offer you a compassionate and solution-focused process as you navigate these complex and challenging moments. Discernment counseling accepts each spouse where they are, meeting them where they are. This gives them individual space to make sense of their relationship crisis and decide how to proceed, whether that is keeping things as they are (status quo), ending the marriage, or putting in the commitment and work to improve the relationship, including all the ways in which each partner has contributed to the problems as they exist.
Defining Discernment Counseling:
Discernment Counseling is a specialized form of couples therapy designed for couples where one or both partners are considering separation or divorce. Developed by Dr. William J. Doherty and his colleagues, this approach acknowledges the uncertainty and ambivalence that often accompany significant relationship decisions. The primary goal is to help couples gain clarity and confidence in their choice—whether it be to continue the relationship as it is, move toward separation, or commit to working on the issues that led them to this crossroads.
How Many Sessions are Typically Involved?
Discernment Counseling is a short-term, focused process typically consisting of no more than 5 sessions. This approach is succinct and provides a structured space to explore emotions, concerns, and possibilities without committing to long-term therapy. The number of sessions can be adjusted based on the unique needs and progress of the couple, fostering flexibility within the framework.
What to Expect in Discernment Counseling:
1. Initial Session:
Discernment Counseling often begins with a 2 hour session where the couple meets with the therapist together, then each individually, then together again to summarize the findings and make a plan moving forward. These sessions create a safe and confidential space for individuals to express their thoughts, emotions, and perspectives on the relationship. This phase helps the counselor understand the motivations, fears, and desires of each partner, laying the groundwork for collaborative decision-making.
2. Joint Sessions:
Following the individual sessions, the counselor facilitates joint sessions with the couple. During these sessions, the focus shifts to sharing insights gained from individual meetings. The counselor helps the couple explore key issues, patterns of interaction, and potential pathways forward. The emphasis is on fostering open and honest communication while providing a neutral and non-judgmental environment.
3. The Decision-Making Process:
Discernment Counseling distinguishes itself by acknowledging that both partners may not be on the same page regarding the future of the relationship. The goal is not to push for reconciliation or separation but to guide the couple through a thoughtful decision-making process. The counselor helps clarify each partner's stance and facilitates conversations around the possibilities of moving forward.
4. Reflection and Feedback:
Throughout the process, the counselor encourages reflection and feedback from each partner. This reflective aspect helps individuals gain deeper insights into their own desires and challenges, fostering a greater understanding of the relationship dynamics. The feedback loop also aids the counselor in tailoring the process to the specific needs and concerns of the couple.
How Discernment Counseling Helps:
1. Clarity Amidst Uncertainty:
Discernment Counseling provides a structured approach to navigate the uncertainty that often accompanies pivotal relationship decisions. By exploring individual perspectives and fostering open communication, couples can gain a clearer understanding of their own needs and desires.
2. Respectful Exploration:
This approach values each partner's perspective and choices without pushing for a particular outcome. The emphasis is on creating a space for respectful exploration, allowing couples to make informed decisions based on a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships.
3. Informed Decision-Making:
Discernment Counseling equips couples with the tools to make informed decisions about the future of their relationship. Whether it leads to reconciliation, separation, or a commitment to further therapy, the process empowers couples to move forward with confidence and clarity.
4. Preservation of Dignity:
The non-judgmental and collaborative nature of Discernment Counseling helps preserve the dignity of each partner. Regardless of the ultimate decision, the process fosters understanding and empathy, minimizing the emotional toll often associated with relationship transitions.
Discernment Counseling is a valuable resource for couples facing pivotal decisions about the future of their relationship. I will provide you with a structured and compassionate framework, which will empower you and your spouse as you navigate the complexities of relationship crossroads. The goal here is to create a pathway towards understanding, growth, and informed decision-making for all involved parties.
Relational Life Therapy is a dynamic and results-oriented form of couples therapy designed to address the core issues that often lead to conflict and disconnection in relationships. Terry Real, a prominent family therapist and author, developed this approach to help couples break free from destructive patterns and create healthier, more authentic connections.
Key Principles of Relational Life Therapy:
- Radical Honesty: RLT encourages couples to engage in open and honest communication, creating a space where both partners can express their true feelings and desires without fear of judgment. This fosters a deeper understanding of each other and builds a foundation for trust and intimacy.
- Taking Responsibility: One of the fundamental principles of RLT is personal accountability. Instead of blaming each other, partners are guided to take responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. This shift empowers individuals to make positive changes and creates a collaborative environment for growth.
- Creating a Vision: RLT helps couples envision the relationship they want to build together. By setting clear goals and working towards a shared vision, partners can align their values and aspirations, fostering a sense of purpose and direction in their relationship.
- Rebuilding Connection: Through targeted interventions and exercises, RLT focuses on rebuilding the emotional and physical connection between partners. This may involve exploring past wounds, addressing unmet needs, and developing new ways of relating to one another.
- Improved Communication: RLT equips couples with the tools to communicate effectively, fostering a deeper understanding of each other's needs and perspectives.
- Increased Intimacy: By addressing underlying issues and promoting vulnerability, RLT helps couples rekindle emotional and physical intimacy.
- Conflict Resolution: Couples learn constructive ways to navigate conflicts, transforming disagreements into opportunities for growth and understanding.
- Enhanced Individual Growth: RLT isn't just about the relationship; it's also about personal growth. Partners develop a greater sense of self-awareness and empowerment.
Discernment Counseling for couples is a transformative approach designed to assist couples at a crossroads in their relationship journey. Whether you are contemplating divorce, unsure about the future, or seeking clarity in a turbulent relationship, through the Discernment Counseling framework, I can offer you a compassionate and solution-focused process as you navigate these complex and challenging moments. Discernment counseling accepts each spouse where they are, meeting them where they are. This gives them individual space to make sense of their relationship crisis and decide how to proceed, whether that is keeping things as they are (status quo), ending the marriage, or putting in the commitment and work to improve the relationship, including all the ways in which each partner has contributed to the problems as they exist.
Defining Discernment Counseling:
Discernment Counseling is a specialized form of couples therapy designed for couples where one or both partners are considering separation or divorce. Developed by Dr. William J. Doherty and his colleagues, this approach acknowledges the uncertainty and ambivalence that often accompany significant relationship decisions. The primary goal is to help couples gain clarity and confidence in their choice—whether it be to continue the relationship as it is, move toward separation, or commit to working on the issues that led them to this crossroads.
How Many Sessions are Typically Involved?
Discernment Counseling is a short-term, focused process typically consisting of no more than 5 sessions. This approach is succinct and provides a structured space to explore emotions, concerns, and possibilities without committing to long-term therapy. The number of sessions can be adjusted based on the unique needs and progress of the couple, fostering flexibility within the framework.
What to Expect in Discernment Counseling:
1. Initial Session:
Discernment Counseling often begins with a 2 hour session where the couple meets with the therapist together, then each individually, then together again to summarize the findings and make a plan moving forward. These sessions create a safe and confidential space for individuals to express their thoughts, emotions, and perspectives on the relationship. This phase helps the counselor understand the motivations, fears, and desires of each partner, laying the groundwork for collaborative decision-making.
2. Joint Sessions:
Following the individual sessions, the counselor facilitates joint sessions with the couple. During these sessions, the focus shifts to sharing insights gained from individual meetings. The counselor helps the couple explore key issues, patterns of interaction, and potential pathways forward. The emphasis is on fostering open and honest communication while providing a neutral and non-judgmental environment.
3. The Decision-Making Process:
Discernment Counseling distinguishes itself by acknowledging that both partners may not be on the same page regarding the future of the relationship. The goal is not to push for reconciliation or separation but to guide the couple through a thoughtful decision-making process. The counselor helps clarify each partner's stance and facilitates conversations around the possibilities of moving forward.
4. Reflection and Feedback:
Throughout the process, the counselor encourages reflection and feedback from each partner. This reflective aspect helps individuals gain deeper insights into their own desires and challenges, fostering a greater understanding of the relationship dynamics. The feedback loop also aids the counselor in tailoring the process to the specific needs and concerns of the couple.
How Discernment Counseling Helps:
1. Clarity Amidst Uncertainty:
Discernment Counseling provides a structured approach to navigate the uncertainty that often accompanies pivotal relationship decisions. By exploring individual perspectives and fostering open communication, couples can gain a clearer understanding of their own needs and desires.
2. Respectful Exploration:
This approach values each partner's perspective and choices without pushing for a particular outcome. The emphasis is on creating a space for respectful exploration, allowing couples to make informed decisions based on a deeper understanding of themselves and their relationships.
3. Informed Decision-Making:
Discernment Counseling equips couples with the tools to make informed decisions about the future of their relationship. Whether it leads to reconciliation, separation, or a commitment to further therapy, the process empowers couples to move forward with confidence and clarity.
4. Preservation of Dignity:
The non-judgmental and collaborative nature of Discernment Counseling helps preserve the dignity of each partner. Regardless of the ultimate decision, the process fosters understanding and empathy, minimizing the emotional toll often associated with relationship transitions.
Discernment Counseling is a valuable resource for couples facing pivotal decisions about the future of their relationship. I will provide you with a structured and compassionate framework, which will empower you and your spouse as you navigate the complexities of relationship crossroads. The goal here is to create a pathway towards understanding, growth, and informed decision-making for all involved parties.